I put off blogging about this to avoid, "Oh, it's too soon for that!" comments. But I simply can't contain it any more. Yes, I'm one of those mothers. I desperately want to plan Isla's first birthday party. In my defense, I do just love parties and I love to plan them. I just never have a good reason to. Well, now I've got one!
Disclaimer: For those of you who really do not care about the details, stop reading. I do not care if you think I'm dumb for doing a theme party for my baby. This is her first birthday and while she doesn't care, I do!
At first, I wasn't going to go with the obvious idea. Isla was born on February 16th. Two days after Valentine's Day. But now I'm thinking little pink and red hearts would be pretty cute. And easy to do and not an over the top theme for a one year old either. Of course, since I'm bored and she and the hubby are sleeping on the couch, I've been surfing the internet for supplies. I'm thinking pink tablecloths, hot pink plates/silver/cups, red heart confetti and red streamers, etc. Depending on what the seating is like where we are having it, I might get a few small centerpieces.
Right now, I'm thinking a little pizza party at a pizzeria would be good. Kids love pizza, adults love pizza. The place I'm thinking of has a back room that is pretty large and free if you order enough food. I just have to find out the rules about bringing my own cake/food. If they are lenient with that, we just might be good to go!
Just some brainstorming here.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Can't attachment parenters be feminists too?
I recently read this article. The Madness of Modern Motherhood. By Erica Jong.
The thing that strikes me most about Erica Jong's essay is that she clearly is not knowledgeable about attachment parenting. She paints it as a black and white, rigid way of parenting that isolates mothers. Well, as a new, working mother and a person who also thinks of herself as a feminist, I have to object. My husband and I both work and he also attends school part-time. I am returning to college next fall. We are not rich (I find it quite funny that people who breastfeed and use cloth diapers are the people who must be rich). We do not have a nanny. I do not make my own baby food and I do not use cloth diapers (couldn't quite sell the husband on that one). We have had to make some adjustments after becoming parents. It is part of the decision we made. But we still consider ourselves attachment parents.
One who agrees that attachment parenting has created unrealistic, strict rules for parents should read into "The Seven Baby Bs" on Dr. Sears website. Pay special attention to the very last 'b': balance. According to the Ask Dr. Sears site, attachment parents should know when to say yes to baby and when to say no to baby. And to not feel badly for needing those around you. And to take care of yourself.
There is no strict set of rules with attachment parenting. It is about doing what works best for your whole family even if it steps out of Western societal norms (kind of sounds like the idea behind feminism to me). The point is, if sleeping in the family bed works for your family, then do it and don't worry about what your mother in law says about your child eventually being a fifteen year old who won't sleep alone (which I highly doubt). If you want to breastfeed until your baby is two, do it and quit caring about the looks you get from relatives or even strangers. If your baby is crying and you want to pick her up, do it. Your instinct about how to parent is probably the right way for you and that is all that matters.
Being a mother is pressure, pressure, pressure to do the right thing. People ask you a million questions. "How is the baby sleeping?" "How is the baby eating?" "Is the baby crawling yet?" You almost feel like being a mother out in public is like being on a constant evaluation from those around you. Answer wrong and you'll get an inevitable judgment. I am sure I am not alone in this. I can't tell you how many times I have gotten disapproving, sideways glances from people when they find out I sometimes still let my nine month old sleep with me at night. If it isn't keeping them awake at night, I'm not sure why they care. So even people who believe in attachment parenting know what it is like to be judged. Just as well. You're either doing too much or not enough.
Anyway, I have digressed. The notion that I chose this style of parenting because I have been brainwashed by the media is what offends me. I'm noticing this more and more with the women around me who think of themselves as feminists. Feminism, to me, is all about freedom of choice. But women can't make decisions these days without someone, even a fellow feminist, thinking they were just too brainless or weak-minded to do the right thing or that they consulted a magazine about what Madonna or Angelina Jolie was doing first. Maybe the truth is that attachment parenting works for some parents and doesn't for others. Maybe it is what felt right to me. Just like some mothers feel like they would be happier bottle-feeding or returning to work immediately after having their child.
Erica Jong is right. Mothers should be free to choose. Whatever they want and without being judged for it.
The thing that strikes me most about Erica Jong's essay is that she clearly is not knowledgeable about attachment parenting. She paints it as a black and white, rigid way of parenting that isolates mothers. Well, as a new, working mother and a person who also thinks of herself as a feminist, I have to object. My husband and I both work and he also attends school part-time. I am returning to college next fall. We are not rich (I find it quite funny that people who breastfeed and use cloth diapers are the people who must be rich). We do not have a nanny. I do not make my own baby food and I do not use cloth diapers (couldn't quite sell the husband on that one). We have had to make some adjustments after becoming parents. It is part of the decision we made. But we still consider ourselves attachment parents.
One who agrees that attachment parenting has created unrealistic, strict rules for parents should read into "The Seven Baby Bs" on Dr. Sears website. Pay special attention to the very last 'b': balance. According to the Ask Dr. Sears site, attachment parents should know when to say yes to baby and when to say no to baby. And to not feel badly for needing those around you. And to take care of yourself.
There is no strict set of rules with attachment parenting. It is about doing what works best for your whole family even if it steps out of Western societal norms (kind of sounds like the idea behind feminism to me). The point is, if sleeping in the family bed works for your family, then do it and don't worry about what your mother in law says about your child eventually being a fifteen year old who won't sleep alone (which I highly doubt). If you want to breastfeed until your baby is two, do it and quit caring about the looks you get from relatives or even strangers. If your baby is crying and you want to pick her up, do it. Your instinct about how to parent is probably the right way for you and that is all that matters.
Being a mother is pressure, pressure, pressure to do the right thing. People ask you a million questions. "How is the baby sleeping?" "How is the baby eating?" "Is the baby crawling yet?" You almost feel like being a mother out in public is like being on a constant evaluation from those around you. Answer wrong and you'll get an inevitable judgment. I am sure I am not alone in this. I can't tell you how many times I have gotten disapproving, sideways glances from people when they find out I sometimes still let my nine month old sleep with me at night. If it isn't keeping them awake at night, I'm not sure why they care. So even people who believe in attachment parenting know what it is like to be judged. Just as well. You're either doing too much or not enough.
Anyway, I have digressed. The notion that I chose this style of parenting because I have been brainwashed by the media is what offends me. I'm noticing this more and more with the women around me who think of themselves as feminists. Feminism, to me, is all about freedom of choice. But women can't make decisions these days without someone, even a fellow feminist, thinking they were just too brainless or weak-minded to do the right thing or that they consulted a magazine about what Madonna or Angelina Jolie was doing first. Maybe the truth is that attachment parenting works for some parents and doesn't for others. Maybe it is what felt right to me. Just like some mothers feel like they would be happier bottle-feeding or returning to work immediately after having their child.
Erica Jong is right. Mothers should be free to choose. Whatever they want and without being judged for it.
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